His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage

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The wording that sex is as important as the air that person breathes. This is not used to describe any of the other needs. For the partner who has a lot of hurt around the act of sex (as there tends to be a lot of brokenness here) can you imagine the pressure this puts on the spouse working through sex? Can you imagine the entitlement this may give the partner with the high sex drive? Language is so important, and I feel this could be triggering. Also, if it is as important as the air that person breathes, it is so odd that so many people in adult life are living without air. This sounds sarcastic, but I say it to point out that not only does this language bring hurt within a marriage, but is a little crazy when you think about it in terms of those who are single or living in abstinence You may be asking why these emotional needs are so important. Several of the marriage experts I admire refers to a concept Dr. Willard Harley, Jr. calls the Love Bank. Dr. Gottman calls a similar concept the Love Map. Dr. Gary Chapman calls it the Love Tank. Dr. John Gray and Mark Gungor refer to the concept in all of their works.

His Needs, Her Needs - Willard F. Harley Jr - SPCK Publishing

Learn how to reach agreement with your wife regarding the rules expected to follow and how to discipline. Otherwise the children learn to divide and makes a deal with one parent. Both mom and dad should consult in private and give an agreed-on answer. Affection. Her husband tells her that he cares for her with words, cards, flowers, gifts, and common courtesies. He hugs and kisses her many times each day, creating an environment of affection that clearly and repeatedly expresses his care for her. The good feelings were imprinted on each of you as love. You got married. It was good for a while. However, somehow things changed. Life got in the way of your romance. Work took each of you away from the other. Children created massive change in your time together and finances. Each of you changed a little as you matured and grew older. Your human, emotional, and love needs may have also changed. Now, however, there may be little romance and a lot more anger and frustration.Learn how to punish properly, teach by example and values. (no grounding or depriving of basic rights)

His Needs Her Needs List His Needs Her Needs List

This book gets right to the heart of what makes marriages work—the feeling of love. In all my years as a marriage counselor, I’ve never counseled a couple in love who wanted a divorce. But I’ve counseled many divorcing couples with excellent communication and problem-solving skills who claim to care for each other. Don’t get me wrong—I’m very much in favor of improving communication and problem solving in marriage. And I’m certainly in favor of caring love. But unless communication and problem solving help trigger the feeling of romantic love, spouses feel cheated in their marriages and often want out. Romantic love is a litmus test that reveals the right way for couples to demonstrate their caring love for each other. If you’re in love, you are caring for each other the right way. If you’re not in love, you should learn the right way to show your care. This book will teach you where to put your greatest effort to create and sustain romantic love. Financial support. He assumes the responsibility to house, feed, and clothe the family. If his income is insufficient to provide essential support, he resolves the problem by upgrading his skills to increase his salary. He does not work long hours, keeping himself from his wife and family, but is able to provide necessary support by working a forty- to fifty-hour week. While he encourages his wife to pursue a career if it is her desire, he does not depend on her salary for family living expenses.The first thing to understand is that a man’s needs are typically more physical. This means he’s primarily concerned with his well-being and wants what he thinks will make him happy. He may also place a high value on independence and self-sufficiency, which can make him frustrated or abandoned if these needs aren’t met. Her Needs Men are the ones usually wanting to do recreational activities. It is a real bonus when his wife participates in the activity or supports him from the sideline. Women also love to do activities and would love to have her husband join her. When they each stop doing activities together, each is making a conscious decision to not support their partner. It is a bad decision.